The Process

Okay, let me think about this…

How many times have you said that?

“Let me think about this…”

I love to think and go over things in my head — but I’ve learned analyzing really doesn’t get us anywhere. What creates true movement and change in our lives is removing old patterns of guilt, blame and fear which BLOCK us from all good things. Removing these BLOCKS clears the runway for incoming peace and happiness.

There are 3 Steps to Peace & Happiness

Step One: Identify the Feeling

This is the absolutely most important step, and probably the most challenging because most of us have been in a habit of automatically reacting to situations on the outside, we don’t really know how we’re feeling on the inside! So, the next time you find yourself reacting —(and reacting is anytime you are not feeling joyful and/or peaceful), catch yourself. Catch the feeling of ‘ick’ and ask yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” You might be feeling angry, sad, betrayed, scared or not even sure how you’re feeling. The name isn’t important – just identify you’re even having a feeling.

Step Two: Accept the Feeling

Acceptance is the key to peace. Period. Acceptance is the key to happiness! That means NOT saying “I’m angry and I’m so mad at myself for being angry.” Or, “Why can’t I get over this already?” Both of those self- invalidating statements deny you of your feelings. The truth is you ARE angry. You ARE feeling insure. You ARE confused. It’s okay. So instead you may say, “I’m feeling angry. And I’m judging myself for being angry at such a little thing.” Practice accepting your feelings as they are. That’s it. Once you are in the mode of acceptance — you are more in the present moment. Who cares about the present moment? The present moment only knows peace. So once you’re accepting your feelings you know you’re in the present moment and you’re not re-living some awful feelings from the past — and all awful feelings come from the past. When we accept our feelings we’re removing old blocks and clearing the runway for incoming peace and happiness.

Step Three: Choose Differently

When my guru therapist first told me about this, I thought she was smoking something. “Choose differently” almost sounded like an insult. I remember thinking — if I COULD find a way not to feel hurt I would! Choose differently. One of my favorite books “The Course In Miracles” teaches that whenever we’re not feeling peace, we must have chosen wrongly. I like to run this through the Lynn Translator which says it means when you’re having a negative feeling — flip it to positive. Find any crumb or morsel of positive you possibly can and focus on that. If you can’t find that crumb, you can also say, “I am willing to consider going to a positive feeling.”


Lynn Martinez, Life Coach

Lynn Martinez, Life Coach

It Happens to All Of Us...

Here is a true example of a client going through the 3 steps to peace and happiness:

Sarah* wishes she and her grown daughter had a better relationship. Sarah sends checks to her daughter, Tanya, for holidays and birthdays. She calls her weekly. Sometimes Tanya calls her back, sometimes she doesn’t. More than that, Tanya rarely thanks her parents for the gifts. Sarah has always felt Tanya doesn’t show up for her. She also wants her to to dress differently and carry herself differently. Tanya has told her parents she has felt judged by them all her life. Recently, Sarah had surgery and was very hurt Sarah didn’t call for a week.

STEP ONE: Sarah felt hurt. She felt disappointed. She felt like a victim because everyone else has a better daughter than she. She accepted these feelings.

STEP TWO: Sarah accepted her feelings of disappointment, self judgement and the need to be right.

STEP THREE: Sarah knew she had a choice to choose disappointment or peace. In her choice of peace, she chose to see any positive in this situation. She dug deep and came up with, “Well, at least my daughter is doing what she thinks she needs to do to take care of herself, and I am willing to honor that.”

Don’t be mistaken — Sarah still felt tinges of pain, disappointment and sadness. But every time she did — she went back to step 3 — back to finding the positive. Sarah is exercising her emotional muscles, and she’s getting stronger and feeling better daily!

*not her real name